Me? Insecure? Nope. But wait, why is she looking at me?

Insecurity. I believe we all have some, so let’s talk about it! Why do we have them? What can we do about them? Take a listen and I hope you find some perspective to how amazing you are!

Podcast Transcript

Yes, this is a long title for a podcast, but I feel like it really hits home. Me? Insecure? Nope. But wait…why is that person looking at me? This topic has been rolling around in my head for a while and I am sure it is because I am getting older and certain things just aren’t as they used to be, physically speaking. And well, some mentally! But the physical ones seem to be more noticeable. More wrinkles, harder to lose weight which means more cottage cheese on the legs and back fat. Not sure where that came from! Don’t get me wrong, I have NEVER, I mean NEVER been a size 2 or even 4 or 6 for that matter, but there have been times in my life when I have been healthier and much more fit. At age 42 I started to look back and wonder, why didn’t I embrace it then? Why did I think I was so awful looking? And then I wonder…oh no, what if I should be embracing it now, because in the next 10-20 years it will be different again. And then I wonder…why do I care and worry so much! LOL. Oh right, because I am a female and this is how I am wired. But why? Why? Why? Why? Does it actually matter so much? News Flash. It doesn’t! We just think it does!! Side note, I’m not even sure if ‘news flash’ is the cool thing to say anymore. I am sure my children would tell me there is something more trendy. Anyway…It doesn’t really matter to anyone but us. Oh, people will judge you, that is human nature. You judge people whether you’d like to admit it or not. When you’re out shopping and someone walks by you are judging them. Sizing them up. Asking yourself questions about them. This doesn’t mean you are judging them badly, but you are still sizing them up to some degree. Maybe you are the rare case where you totally live in your own world, which is amazing. But, my guess is, if you’re listening to this podcast, that is not you. So, knowing that people might be looking and sizing you up…we get insecure. Which again, I ask the question, ‘why?’ To really answer this we will have to look at different situations / locations. Work, shopping, home, church, networking events where you don’t know anyone, social media, etc… The list can really go on and on. We can group these together in a few different categories and look at personal and professional and physical and mental / capabilities. 

I am going to pause here a minute and let you know that this podcast quickly became more than I thought it would be. I thought I could sit down on a cold March morning with Pepper, my coffee, and fire going and just write this podcast quickly before the kids woke up. Well, apparently this is a big topic and as I really think about myself and where these insecurities come from and where they exist. Well, my darlings, they are everywhere. And clearly we are way past March and I am still working on this! And probably a little insecure about releasing it. Irony. I know. 

Back to this big topic that looms over us daily – we are not alone. According to a study done by Dove, only 4% of women around the world, around the WORLD, consider themselves beautiful. And, in another study 78% of girls were unhappy with their bodies by the age of 17. Having a 13 year old daughter, I would argue this age is actually much younger. Clearly these insecurity stats come from the physical category. And depending on the person, I would also argue that the majority of our insecurities come from the physical category. I think of my own insecurities and the ones that take up the most of my headspace are centered around my weight, my hair, my wrinkles, my outfits, and all of the silly things that truly don’t define who we are as a person. My insecurities professionally are different. And they are different depending on what professional setting we are talking about. In the marketing world, I don’t have as many because I have been in that space for more than 20 years and I have been living it. However, in this space, in the helping women space…we are going on year three here. So yes, I have many more professional insecurities in my passion than I do my day-to-day. I will say one area of insecurity that probably trumps all is being a parent. Being a mom, and what type of mom I am makes me question myself daily. Daily! Maybe hourly.

Sorry…rabbit hole of my own insecurities there, but remember, I’m not insecure, LOL. But I also think it important for me to walk through those for you, because we all have them. Even the women we think have it all together have insecurities, might be battling with depression or anxiety. We just never know. 

I will say, you will meet some women who seem to be the opposite. They are much more, I am the best, smartest, never do anything wrong… I do wish I had a little bit of that, but not all of it. But how does that happen? How do some women have all of the confidence and the world and others constantly worry??

I do not have all of the answers here, but I did do some research. Let’s look at  4 areas that can impact us and contribute to our insecurities. 

1. Societal and cultural pressures. What?? That should not surprise any of us with the amount of modern technology floating around telling us about all of the beauty and health products we need to stay fit and young and beautiful. Oftentimes the pressures we are trying to meet are unrealistic. Oh, and do not get me started on Snapchat filters! Come on!! I mean, I like the funny ones that make me look like a puppy and change my voice silly, but the ones women feel like they need to use and then post as if that is truly them. No, this is not okay. 
2. Competitions and Comparing. We all do this. And I don’t like to admit that I compare myself to others, but I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be insecure! I would be like, yep, this is the way God made me and I am perfect! Sweet!! Not, why did God make her tall and skinny? And why did God give her gobs of gorgeous hair? Why did she get a promotion when I have been here longer and know the business? These questions will get us know where! Actually, they will get you down a deep pit of self loathing, but not anywhere beneficial. 
3. Past experiences and trauma. This one is huge. And this is what scares me so much for our younger generation of girls. As they grow up, they are exposed to so much media that is telling them how they should or shouldn’t be. Yes, we had magazines and things like that growing up, but we had a break from it. It wasn’t constantly in our face. So that coupled with their relationships, other experiences they have – bullying for example, all impact how we see ourselves. I have said it before in one of my podcasts, but I was called big-boned as a child by a family member and I have never forgotten that. Clearly! So, I’ve carried along someone else’s perception of me for many years. Here’s the deal. I’m not really big boned. I was a little chunky in grade school, but my physical bones were not big. Or, let’s revisit the high school boy that barked at me at a track meet. It was less than 30 seconds of interaction from a boy I did not know, and it hurt and cut bad. One more for you. I was told by an executive of a company that I worked for more than 10 years ago that I was a horrible writer. This one has been so difficult to shake. ONE person told me this. ONE. And yet, I still second guess my writing every time I have to write something. Podcasts are a little different to me, because this is just talking. LOL. This is what is so difficult. We just never know which experiences will truly impact our children, and sometimes it is hard for us to think back and want to remember or admit what experiences have impacted us. I am not a counselor. If you have trauma, sexual abuse, physical abuse, or abuse of any type, I encourage you to see a counselor. 
4. Current relationships. The relationships we have today are extremely important too! Who are you surrounding yourself with? What type of friends do you have? I hope they are encouraging, supportive and push you to be your best. If they aren’t, please consider putting some distance between you and them. How does your significant other treat you? What words are spoken? Many times the most hurtful words can be from the people we love, because we love them and we don’t want to disappoint them or feel like we aren’t enough for them. Creating boundaries for loved ones is difficult, and that will need to be a podcast of its own, but work towards creating healthy boundaries and spending time with people who build you up. 

And this leads perfectly into…great…we have ways to figure out where our insecurities are coming from, but what in the heck can we do about them? 

1. First, we have to recognize our negative thoughts. That ugly voice in our head. Remember I’ve told you before, name that voice and tell it to stop and be quiet. This helps you from being so hard on yourself, since it is darn Negative Nancy chirping again, not you. Challenge Nancy on what is so wrong…speak the truths that YOU know. And please be nice to yourself!
2. Focus on all of your good stuff! Your strengths, accomplishments, etc… These do not have to be major. Today for example…I did not each the entire Reese’s crunch King size bar. I had half. Yep! That is a win! Instead of beating myself up for eating half, it didn’t eat it all! Perspective. Give yourself the perspective of all of your good!! 
3. This next one ties into your current relationships. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Remember the saying ‘birds of a feather flock together?’ No, well that might be an old saying too. But it means that people with the same personality types, interests, stay together. So if you are spending time with negative people…guess what? Chances are you have some negative energy that you need to get rid of. 
4. Take care of yourself! I know. This is very hard for us to do sometimes, especially if you are a mom. But you know what? The older I get, the more I have been able to identify what I need and when. I know I need alone time. Just me. And if I don’t get that time, I get very sad and irritable. My alone time allows for me to do this, write podcasts, go on a walk without breaking up a fight between the kids, not having to justify myself to anyone, have an amazing conversation with Jesus. This is why I do love my miracle mornings, but there are times when that is not enough. I need like a day! A full day. I also know that I feel so much better when I am working out and eating right. Even if I am not losing weight, I just feel better! Dancing, laughing, spending 1-1 time with Bill and my kids, these all bring me joy! Find out what brings you joy and do more of that. 
5. This one…brace yourselves. Put down the phone. Minimize your exposure to triggering media. If you know that every time after you scroll facebook or instagram for an hour you feel like trash. Don’t do that! Who cares if Betty Sue just took her whole family to Europe for 2 weeks. Doesn’t impact your life! Who cares if someone else put giant signs in their yard for the kids birthday and then rented a limo. Awesome! I am so glad they wanted to do that! You know your triggers. Avoid them! 
6. Talk to somebody. If there are difficult situations or tunnels of darkness you can’t get yourself out of, no matter how many walks you take…please see a counselor. I firmly believe we all need a counselor. The unbiased voice is amazing! 
7. This is one of my all time favorites. Gratitude. Be thankful! My guess is that if you have the luxury of listening to this podcast, you probably have some other amazing things to be thankful for. You’ve heard me talk about my gratitude journal before and I highly recommend it for everyone! I do 5 a day. Just five. They don’t have to be earth shattering. The other day I wrote down, “I am thankful for deodorant.” It is the everyday luxuries that we take for granted that we truly are thankful for. Of course there are big ones too! Air Conditioning, a loving family, a great job, but really…you will NOT run out of things to be thankful for and it will make you feel so much better to focus on what you DO have vs. what you DON’T.

Okay my darlings…I have rambled enough! I hope this helps and give you some perspective. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God does not make mistakes. It is up to use to live out our purpose.