Be a Weed

Yes. I am telling you to be that pesky weed that you have probably spent all summer trying to exterminate. But guess what, you and that weed have something in common. You are both resilient! Take a listen to learn how to be more like a weed (aka resilient).

Podcast Transcript
The other day was yard day for me. Mowing, weeding, and trimming back bushes and trees. I wish I was better at knowing just how to care for my yard, but I’m doing my best right now and just trying to keep up with my retired neighbors. Anyway, as I was pulling weeds today all I could think about was how resilient these little buggers were. Not only has this summer been hot and dry, but they are seemingly growing out of bricks. My grass won’t grow, but these weeds sure do pop up everywhere! Then I started thinking. Why does grass give up so easily and these weeds just keep on pushing through? What is different about them? Don’t worry, I am not going to go into how weeds and grass are actually different, but I do know that people are the same. Some people give up easily, and other people are resilient as all get out and never give up. In many of the books I have been reading lately a common theme keeps popping up — don’t give up. For example, in business, one of the most profitable and rewarding jobs you can have is to own your own business, yet the majority of the population does not own their own business. In fact, about 90% of the American population doesn’t own their own business. Why not? Because it is not easy. There is a level of risk involved. A level of faith and confidence. And most important, a level of resilience for when the business is not making money, having trouble getting customers, or up against the many other challenges of owning a business. This is just one example that was top of mind for me since I have been reading about it, and well, starting my own business. LOL. 

But, there are so many other areas of our lives that require us to be resilient, like a weed. Really it can be any area that we are making a change or trying to improve. Being female, weight loss comes to mind. It takes some serious resilience when trying to lose weight for me. Especially now that I am over 40. I am not naturally tall or slender, but I like to pretend I am. Or what about sticking to your rules with your children. Woofta! Sometimes the battle of the wills doesn’t seem worth it. Or how about finishing that project in your home, or in your yard. And here is a big one. How about sticking to your values? This takes A LOT of resilience. I like to think the older we get the easier this gets, but that is not the case. I did not build up a good resilience to the feeling of letting people down for a long time. This is why I gave in all of the time and compromised by values. Because I wasn’t resilient enough or strong enough to stick up for my own values. I talk to my daughter about this all of the time. I tell her that I want her to have thicker skin when she hits the hard years and friends or non-friends try to talk her into something she knows is not right. We all know that peer pressure is the worst! Ugh. Since the day she was born I have prayed for her to be better than me. For her to be stronger than me. For her to be more resilient than me. She is a large reason why I have Something Better, My Darling. Because whether we feel like it or not, we are weeds, but you know, the really pretty kind of weed. We are resilient. Many of us are moms, busy moms. Some of us work outside of the home and others, bless their souls, stay home with their children, doing the hardest job of all. We juggle kids, jobs, partners, family, friends, sports, volunteerings, finances, and the list goes on. We are multi-tasking machines. We too, like weeds, grow in a drought, oftentimes with little nourishment for our souls, get stuck between a rock and a hard place, and yet….despite the odds, we survive. 

But there is a little more to this. I do believe we all have a certain level of resilience, but how do we build it up even more? How do we become that one pesky weed that will not go away? According to Dr Kenneth Ginsburg, child paediatrician and human development expert, there are 7 C’s to resilience. You can find many other lists on this as well, but these 7 really stuck out to me. The 7 are: competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control. Let’s break those down. 

1. Competence is the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.
2. Confidence is the belief in your abilities, feeling self-assured in your abilities and qualities
3. Connection in this case is connection with close friends, families, and communities. Connection allows for a sense of security and well being.
4. Character is part of what makes us unique. Character is made up of our mental and moral qualities. It is how people refer to our actions many times — she is full of character, or that kid is a character. 
5. Contribution is key for me. I truly believe that you feel better when you are contributing to your family, your friends, your work, society, etc… This allows you to think outside of yourself and realize that one person can make a difference.
6. Coping looks different for everyone. The trick is to learn healthy coping skills and then know when you need to apply them. I’d also recommend having a few ways to cope. I know there are days when I just need to get outside and go for a walk. I might need a night of mindless TV. Or maybe I need a cry session. One of my favorites…meditation and prayer. 
7. And lastly, control. This is a little tricky for me, because if you’ve listened to previous podcasts, you know I talk about giving up control and surrendering, but I do believe you can do more with surrender than control. However, in this case it means controlling your emotions. More like self-control. Controlling how you react to situations which I do believe is vital. You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction.

If you are not feeling very resilient right now, take a look at these 7 Cs and determine what you might need to adjust. What does your confidence look like right now? How are you contributing? Or maybe you’ve lost all self control. You don’t need to be perfect, I am not saying that. Lord knows I am far from perfect and had self control issues yesterday when I had donut holes and a chocolate chip muffin while on my diet. LOL. It is a balance. If you know something is really off whack. Work on that area first. And again, it doesn’t need to be perfect, just improve from where you were. 

All of this to say…Use these 7 Cs and be a weed! 

Maybe you are ready to take this journey and start taking massive action to reach your potential or you could be trying to decide. Either way, I am so excited to have you here! My soul is on fire to help you! If you’d like to join me on a journey, visit somethingbettermydarling.com and click on ‘give me 40 days!’ to sign up for a fall or winter journey! Connect with me on Instagram or FaceBook at Something Better, My Darling, or if you’d like to see me and my kiddos and fur baby, you can find me at Mandi Lanae! And, lastly, if you like this podcast, please tell a friend about it! This is Something Better, My Darling. Thank you for listening. Make today great, my darlings!