Thank you Papa Dean for being the inspiration behind this episode. Papa Dean was a man of integrity. A man who showed up and was always true to his core and values. This podcast is all about the face you choose to wear and how you are showing up in each situation. Maybe you aren’t showing up the way you want to be, or maybe you don’t know exactly what that looks like yet. Let’s find out what to do!
Podcast Transcript
Welcome back to the Something Better, My Darling podcast. I am here to help women find their purpose without compromising their values, and ultimately reaching their full potential. Whether you are struggling with self worth, confidence, or lack of taking action, this is for you! I am so excited you are here! I can’t wait to get to know you!
The girl with many faces. This is what Papa Dean called me. Papa Dean is Laura’s dad. Lauar is one of my best friend’s and her dad meant the world to her. While we lost Papa Dean to cancer in November of 2018, his guidance and Deanisms will live on forever. So, Papa Dean called me the girl with many faces because he said every time I saw him I looked different. To be fair, I can look very different with no make-up, hair up, in workout clothes vs. full hair and makeup and nice clothes. LOL. But it was a running joke that he’d see me and ask Laura who I was. I half wonder if toward the end he did it on purpose because he knew it would make us laugh.
As I sit and think about this though, we do all have many faces that we wear throughout our lives, maybe throughout the day. People more typically call them hats, but faces work too. Depending on who we are talking to and what situation we are in will dictate which ‘face’ we have on. I might have on my mom face, my sister face, my daughter face….whatever situation might be.
The face you have on is how you are showing up in each one of these situations. While yes, your core is the same. Your values don’t change on which face you have, but your tone and approach might change. How are you showing up in these situations? Are you showing up the way you want to be showing up? Let’s say you are a mom and you have struggled with COVID and the kids being home all the time. Trying to juggle home school and work, and not being able to just pick and go like usual. Are you yelling more? Are you finding yourself wanting to hide in the bathroom and cry? If yes, that’s okay! This has NOT been an easy year or going on closer to two now. But we can try to make this better and easier for all of us. You know you don’t want to yell so much and cry in the bathroom while the kids are eating lunch, so what do you want to do? How do you want to show up?
This approach will work for all situations, you’ll just need to tweak them. Start by making small changes. For this example, wake up with the intention of you and the kids having a good day. Don’t wake up with a ‘oh boy, here we go again’ attitude, but wake up thankful that God gave you another day. Wake up with a mindset that no matter what, you will choose joy and have a good day with the kids. You set the tone. Your reactions keep the tone. Choose your words differently, choose your actions differently and see how your children respond.
Let me give you an example. My son is going to make a great lawyer one day because he can argue with the best of them! He is 9. LOL. He refuses to be wrong. Even when I have clearly won an argument, he will say, BUT….. and come with some other idea or concept. His wheels are always spinning. He also has a lot of energy and is on medicine for ADD, even though I do think he is starting to outgrow this. We will see how the school year goes. Anyway, he is a little bit more challenging to deal with than my daughter. Not saying we don’t have our moments, but in general, I need more patience with my son.
I was exhausted and decided I could not keep arguing with him and fighting with him. I am the mom for pete’s sake! Finally, I stopped, prayed, and listened. I made a decision to start approaching him differently. I needed to show up differently for my son than what I was for my daughter. I needed to pause and understand where he was coming from before I reacted. He does need to understand the why behind my requests. If they don’t make sense to him, he gets frustrated. If I just say ‘turn off the xbox,’ he gets mad. If I say, “you need to turn off the xbox when that game is done because lunch is ready, or we are leaving for x, y, z.” We are much better off. This is not always easy, especially when we are in a hurry and I just need him to do something, but I know that if I stay positive and upbeat, the chances of him exploding and losing his little mind are much less. Yes, this does require a lot of deep breaths, but it is always worth it and feels so much better than me losing my mind and screaming with ‘all my lungs’ as my kids say. Ha!
How about at work? Do you like your job? Are you excited to be doing your job every day? Even if you said no to those, I need you to find the good. First, you have a job! Yay! I bet you have at least one if not two amazing co-workers. Or if you’re a small business owner, amazing! You are the CEO! Are you showing up each day with a bad attitude and just trying to make it through the next 8 hours? Why not try being the joy in the workplace and finding opportunities to make your work environment better. Heck even if that is just bringing cookies to work to put a smile on the grumpy cube next to you! Show up and be the person you would want to be around.
What about with your spouse or partner? You might have rolled your eyes at me right there, and that is okay. If you have an amazing relationship, then please let me know and I’ll have you on the podcast. I am sure there are a ton of women, and men, who would like to know all of your secrets! If you don’t, I want you to start by looking at how you are showing up in your relationship, and this could be with a friend too! Are you being the kind of friend you want? Are you being the spouse you’d want? You need to be able to say, “Yes!” If you expect your friend to call you and keep you updated on life, but you never pick up the phone and call him or her, then….start showing up differently. If you expect your spouse to be spontaneous and start dancing in the kitchen with you, but you never do that with him, start! I love dancing in the kitchen, my kids might think we actually have a dance floor in our kitchen because it’s where we dance. LOL.
I know these are not easy changes and you might be feeling like, why do I have to show up differently if no one else is? Because, if you do, they will too! People will follow your lead. People like to be around good people with positive energy. I am not saying you have to be high energy, just positive energy. I have never met someone who said, “that guy is such a negative person, I just love being around him.” Or that girl sucks all of the fun out of the room, let’s be around her more!
I like to think that even though Papa Dean called me the girl with many faces, he was just talking about my physical appearance and that my energy and joy came through no matter which face he saw.
Start paying attention to how you are showing up and how it makes you feel. If you are not happy with how you are showing up, then make one small change at a time. Pick the relationship or the place that is most important to you and start there. Maybe that means smiling more, taking one more deep breath, letting a silly comment roll off your back, picking up the phone, giving a hug, or any other gesture that could turn around how you are showing up versus how you’d like to show up.
All of this should line up with your values and your core. Who you want to be as a mom, co-worker, friend, partner…those values will come through in how you are showing up. Don’t compromise those by showing up in a way that doesn’t fit who you are designed to be. When you feel icky in a situation, it is because you are NOT showing up in a way that fits with who you are designed to be, with your values. So maybe that is the best place to start. Start with where you feel icky in a situation. Notice what you did or said that made you feel that way and adjust it for next time that situation comes up.
So much of what I talk about in my podcasts comes back to just being aware and taking notice of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Because, I do want you to stop floating. To do that, you have to notice these things and make an effort to change. I know you can do this. You will be amazed at how much of this fits together and all flows.
Maybe you are ready to take this journey and start taking massive action to reach your potential or you could be trying to decide. Either way, I am so excited to have you here! My soul is on fire to help you! If you’d like to join me on a journey, visit somethingbettermydarling.com and click on ‘give me 40 days!’ to sign up for a summer or fall journey! Connect with me on instagram or FaceBook at Something Better, My Darling, or if you’d like to see me and my kiddos and fur baby, you can find me at Mandi Lanae! This is Something Better, My Darling. Thank you for listening. Make today great, my darlings!
Something Better, My Darling 