I know I said in my first few podcasts that I would tell you about the final catalyst for me deciding to start Something Better, My Darling and I have not told you, until now! This episode is about the final straw for me, the catalyst for my change. Enjoy!
Podcast Transcript
Welcome back to the Something Better, My Darling podcast. I am here to help women find their purpose without compromising their values, and ultimately reaching their full potential. Whether you are struggling with self worth, confidence, or lack of taking action, this is for you! I am so excited you are here! I can’t wait to get to know you!
In my first few podcasts you heard about me floating, being nice to a fault and some of the reasons why I started Something Better, My Darling. And I think in the first episode I said i would tell you about the catalyst for my change…and I haven’t yet! I’m sorry!!
Last 40 years I spent making everyone else happy. Saying yes to everyone and putting my feelings second. This isn’t always bad, but to the extreme I took it, it was. I was floating. I went to HS, college, got married, had kids, got divorce, started dating and then realized I was completely lost and didn’t know what I was doing. I was trying everything to make myself happy which meant I was actually only trying to make everyone else happy. We might all have different areas of focus, but for me, it was love. I truly can’t tell you why I felt unloved. I had great friends, family and support, but I never felt worthy of a partner’s love and support. So, after my second divorce, yep second, I was feeling completely unlovable and like a failure. Afterall, that is what my ex told me. I was a failure at marriage. I thought that only way to fix that was to date and find the perfect man of my dreams to prove everyone wrong that I was very lovable! This did trickly over into other areas of my life too…trying to prove that everyone should like me!
Meaning…saying yes to a LOT of things. For this example, lets stick with dating. This meant dating. A lot. And oftentimes going on dates with men who probably didn’t deserve my time. That statement is beyond hard for me to say. Because I do believe all souls are created equal — HOWEVER. HOWEVER, not all souls choose to live their life that way fits with my goals and expectations. Big difference! I struggled with this. Big time! And it left me feeling empty, like a tramp to be perfectly honest. I would accept anyone’s friend request on FB, reply if they asked me questions, and if I talked to them long enough I would even send them sexy pictures if they asked. I wanted soooo badly to be loved and needed and wanted. This also meant that I was compromising my values….in a BIG way, which made me feel even worse!! What a vicious cycle!!! My best friend Laura would say to me, ‘not everyone deserves a chance with you.’ And she was right.
Let me just put this out here really quickly. I have 3 best friends and you will hear them referred to often throughout the course. Laura, who you just heard — amazing mother, wife and small business owner of a thriving photography business – posing willows. She is a force to be reckoned with. Lindy, the bossy one. LOL! She knows it. She has helped guide my career and consistently pushes me to be better. My favorite Lindy sayings will come up over the next 40 days! She is one STRONG mamma! And Laci, my sister. I really like L names apparently. My sister is quiet, thoughtful, and quite possibly the exact opposite of me. Hahah! She is great at setting boundaries, thinking before she acts, and being intentional with her time.
Okay, back to my miserable dating life. LOL. I knew who I wanted to be. I knew who I wanted to date, but I was doing NONE of that. And, it was taking up SOOOOO much time and headspace! I spent 2 years with a guy I knew was not 100% right for my family because he had so many good parts. I decided to ignore the red flags. This also meant that my work life was just there. My relationships with my children were strained, and so much more. One one thing is out of balance it really tips the scales!
Fast forward to my 40th birthday. Laura, who I share a birthday with, was like, you have to do something amazing for your 40th! So….a trip to Punta Canta is was! Before we left for the trip I prayed for something big to happen. I didn’t know what I wanted to happen, but I wanted it to be BIG. The first night there we met two guys from Switzerland. Enough liquid courage and I will literally talk to anyone! Anyway, after a few days of falling head over heels for this talk, blonde haired, blue-eyed swiss guy, it was time for him to leave. He said we’d talk everyday and that he would come see me. And we did talk everyday and facetime, he knew my children, we said I love you, I was on CLOUD 9, no cloud 10! I was like, wow God, this is BIG, you gave me the perfect husband. I was so excited to not have to worry about dating or finding someone to share my life with anymore. We did virtual dates, I was learning German, the kids talked to him almost daily, he was part of our lives. Then, about a month later, he messaged me after work like he normally did, said I love you, and I have never heard from him since. HA! Yep, you heard that correctly. I was ghosted. I will not go through all of the following details, but what you need to know, is that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. God gave me exactly what I thought I wanted and needed so badly and then took it away. But…this is what I learned….that headspace I had in the short time I was dating him was addicting. I finally figured out that I was capable of so much more and worth so much more than this person. For you it might be a job. For me it was a boy. Duh. Why had I been compromising my values to make things work that were not worth my time? That were making me miserable? Not getting me the results I wanted? It made NO sense!! Yet I did it, for a very, very long time! It was then, after I realized he was not dead, that I was infact ghosted that I knew. I knew something needed to change and that something was ME!!!!
I’m pretty sure you’re here today because YOU want to change. That you’re tired of where you are at and you need to find out how to make that change. Let me tell you, the person I was, is a shadow of who I am today. That person will always be with me, but it will no longer define me. Who i am today. I am a confident, strong woman. I only say yes when I want to and if it fits in alignment with my goals and values. In all aspects of my life. Has it been an easy change. Yes and no. The decision was easy to make, but changing my actions and behaviors will also be a work in progress.
This journey will take you through that process. Will take you through letting go of the yucky stuff, embracing all the good and then setting goals for where you want to be. Who you want to be and action steps to get you there!
Maybe you are ready to take this journey and start taking massive action to reach your potential or you could be trying to decide. Either way, I am so excited to have you here! My soul is on fire to help you! If you’d like to join me on a journey, visit somethingbettermydarling.com and click on ‘give me 40 days!’ to sign up for a summer of fall journey! Connect with me on Instagram or face book at something better my darling, or if you’d like to see me and my kiddos and fur baby, you can find me at mandi lanae! This is Something Better, My Darling. Thank you for listening, you’ll hear from me again! Bye!
Something Better, My Darling 